Insomnia Delusions
by Languish-Dreams
Summary: A three night bout of insomnia for Goku leads the group on the most unusual of side quests. What power does the mind truly hold when given the choice of insanity, or death? 39 58
1. Thrice Denied

A/N: Some of you might remember this story from before. It's a trilogy, the third of which I never finished. Since I can't seem to muster up the brain power to get another chapter of OBW going, I'm going to try to edit this story and finish it. Like I've always said, I hate leaving stories unfinished. There will be changes, however. Originally there was a 39 and 58 pairing. I may or may not keep those pairings. We shall see. ;) But to the new, please enjoy and review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. Gods only know what I'd do with it if I did. heheheee.

**Insomnia Delusions**

By Languish Dreams

Chapter One: Thrice Denied

"Dammit."

This solitary word, unique in it's pleading yet cursing tone broke through the silent reverie of the night air. A froth of chocolate hair danced lightly in the warm breeze and a pair of luminous golden eyes slowly opened to look lazily at the stars above. Son Goku sighed softly to himself and tried, vainly, to go to sleep. For two days and two nights insomnia had plagued his body and his mind. On the first night he had shrugged it off, figuring that everyone had a restless night here and there. When he hadn't been able to sleep during the uneventful ride west the next day, he simply assumed that sleep would claim him hard that night or at least the next day.

But never assume, they say. It makes an ass out of you and me.

And now here, on this third night of insomnia, Goku was tired. Exhaustingly tired. More tired and listless than he could ever remember being. Lazy eyes roamed the landscape, desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of something, _anything_, which might chance to disrupt this sleeplessness.

His eyes finally wandered to the three occupants of the dragon-turned-jeep known as Hakuryu. Cho Hakkai, the human-turned-youkai mother hen of the group, was peacefully slouched over in the front seat, brown hair concealing his eyes. Goku found himself pondering how anyone could comfortably sleep hunched over with their arms crossed up against their chest like that. But somehow, someway, Hakkai did it with ease. Much like everything else the man did. The smiles, the kind words, the calming nature—Goku sensed more than that from Hakkai. He didn't like secrets, especially not from his friends. But somehow, no matter how many times he had gained courage to ask the young man what thoughts lay behind that fake smile that courage would die the moment he looked into those eyes. Such haunted green eyes.

A snort and a mumbled curse threw Goku's golden eyes to the man sitting—well, rather lying across the backseat next to him. Sha Gojyo, (also known as cockroach, water sprite, dumb ass or whatever playfully demeaning word Goku could think up next) was effectively sprawled across over half of the Jeep's backseat, one leg lifelessly thrown across the floorboard, the other pulled to the red-eyed man's chest. His head was currently thrown back spilling long red hair down the Jeep's side. Goku almost wanted to kick the kappa and wake him up, if nothing else to spare him the loneliness of the still night. It would be easy to pick a fight out of the man, like it is any older brother. A fight that would wake everyone up and would end, as they always do, with a few gun shots and Hakkai's calming voice trying to soothe them to sleep again. But the kappa then snorted again and began to emit quiet snores that made Goku shake his head and grin.

The warm breeze picked up again, slowly caressing them all in peace. Goku's eyes shifted as he saw the wind playing with the blonde hair of the man sitting in front of him.

Genjo Sanzo. His keeper. His guardian. His sun. Goku shut his eyes then, allowing his memory to fade back to _that day_…

The day the chains had finally released him.

The day the bars of his prison had finally melted away.

The day the sun had finally come to save him.

The day violet eyes had met his golden ones, a flash of recognition had shone in both, before being swallowed up and replaced with anger and hope respectively.

The day he had become free.

And though the man smacked him constantly with that irritating magically appearing fan, and yelled at him, and cursed because of him, and fired gun shots at him…and well let's not get too depressed thinking about the "love-abuse" that Sanzo bestows on him daily least some over-enthusiastic social worker should be reading, yes? Though he and Sanzo had a rather…unusual relationship together, Goku had always felt at peace with the monk. It was like he had been away on a long journey and had finally come home again.

Goku was miffed now that he realized he was still awake. He sighed again, trying to stretch his body out but only managing to weakly lift his arms up above his shoulders.

'I guess it's true when they say you don't really realize how important something is to you until it's gone.' Goku thought bitterly.

And Gods how he was missing sleep right now. He didn't even know _why_ he hadn't been able to sleep. It wasn't like anything unusual had happen lately. Travel west, get attacked by random youkai, find a town, rent some rooms, and sleep. Get up and repeat. No strange magic, no weird Gods annoying them, no unusual happenings, no uneasy feelings…

'That's not true.' He realized suddenly. 'I have been feeling something.'

It was a feeling that, like a distant memory, danced in front of his eyes, teasing him to see it; but vanished before he could grasp it firmly. It was a feeling of dread and uncertainty so harsh in its conviction that it sent chills down his spine despite the warm evening air. He sensed it clearly now that his mind had finally brought the problem to a conscious level. It surrounded them all like a misty blanket, veiling the reality of the threat but dancing its existence before them. He wondered why he had not sensed it before. Thoughts of sleep lost, Goku sat up squarely and scanned to clearing they had parked Jeep in to camp for the night. He concentrated all the energy he had in an effort to sense something…or someone. But just as fast as recognition had dawned the problem on him, the feeling left. He could hear the trees rustling softly in the gentle breeze, crickets chirping noisily, the lapping waters of a nearby stream…but nothing else. No evil presence, no uneasy feeling, just the calm and serene silence of the night.

Goku sighed and leaned back in his seat. A dull throb had settled itself behind his eyes now, most likely the result of too much thinking and no sleep.

'At least the others haven't noticed.'

In truth, he knew they had noticed. It had been easy to be himself after one night with no sleep, but today had been much, much harder. Goku hadn't really realized how energetic he really was until he couldn't continue to be so anymore. Tomorrow would be his third day of insomnia. He wondered if he would look like some kind of lifeless puppet sitting in the back of Hakuryu.

Goku shuddered. For some reason, that thought had greatly disturbed him. He pushed it away violently, not allowing himself to get drawn into the flashes of memory he could not fully comprehend, least his headache grow much, much worse.

Condemned to his insomnia he lazily grabbed the food pack behind him and pulled out several meat buns he'd stolen from Gojyo earlier that day.

No amount of thought, it seemed, could make Son Goku forget his stomach.

A pair of slanted yellow eyes glazed fondly down at the boy youkai who was currently attempting to dislodge his thoughts with food. He had been watching the boy for some time now. He had been determined to find out if his hunch had been correct or not. When the teen had suddenly sat up and began to search the woods around the jeep, ecstasy could not begin to describe what he had felt as he backed farther away. The eyes twinkled in merriment and pale lips curled into a near cat-like smile. He hadn't honestly thought any of the fools could sense him. But finding the boy, this Son Goku, ever awake had made him see that they weren't all fools. Foolish, perhaps, but not a fool. Goku couldn't truly sense him he had discovered, but the presence of him, the aura. And that had pleased him more than anything else in the world.

After years of fruitless searching he had finally discovered the one thing he thought he would never find on this Earth.

"A challenge." He whispered softly, letting the wind carry his voice into the night.

And like a Cheshire cat, that haunting smile seemed to hover in the air even as he faded from existence.


	2. Monkey Abuse

A/N: Aww, it's nice to see people still remember this story after all this time. :) I do believe I'll be taking the pairings out, though. After re-reading parts one and two, it seems rather disjointed and unnecessary. Perhaps I'll do a little 39 vingerette to make up for it later. :P This means, though, that some chapters might be late in coming, as I'll have to do a few big re-writes to take the five zillion perverted hints I put in the first time. (grins) I'm so weird. Anyway, it's a few chapters before anything big comes up, so I'll try to update in a decent timeframe. But I'm apologizing now for the wait that'll come later. Thanks for the reviews, guys, and enjoy!

Chapter Two: Monkey Abuse

To say everyone was surprised to find Goku awake upon opening their eyes was an understatement.

Thinking the world was coming to an end (as Gojyo had muttered) was closer to the truth. And though no one had mentioned the dark circles and listless nature of their youngest companion, much to Goku's relief, a quiet air had nonetheless settled over the four as they completed breakfast and started west again.

Deciding to leave the obviously sleep-deprived monkey alone (it really wasn't any fun to pick on someone when they didn't rise to the challenge after all) Gojyo tried to occupy the time. Without the promise of insults thrown back and forth Gojyo busied himself with chain smoking. Indeed, he seemed to be going for a new world record, much to Hakkai's dismay. When the redhead had lit his 10th cigarette off the 9th, Hakkai could not resist.

"Gojyo?" he asked quietly.

Gojyo lifted one closed eye and stared at the back of Hakkai's head for a moment before answering.

"Yes?"

"Are you trying to kill yourself or the rest of us?"

"…"

Hakkai was amused at his friend's lack of response and thus continued, "The smoke may be blowing behind you, but the smell is rather distracting. I would hate to accidentally drive into a tree or something."

Picking up on the amusement in his companion's voice Gojyo smiled.

"And here I figured the smell would follow the smoke."

Hakkai grinned to himself. "After that many cigarettes, my friend, it's like having a full burning ashtray in the backseat. The smell will find you no matter which way the wind blows."

Gojyo gave an amused chuckle as he flicked his cigarette out the side without lighting another.

"Ch."

Hakkai stole a brief glance out of the corner of his eye at the monk sitting in the passenger's seat beside him. Apparently the idle conversation had annoyed the monk enough for a brief noise but nothing further. Hakkai almost wanted to keep going and see how far he could push Sanzo if nothing more than to hear the familiar "Shut up!" and the whack of the paper fan. He glanced in the rearview mirror to check on Goku.

The teen was sitting quietly; his elbow propped on the side of the Jeep and was cupping the side of his face with his hand. His eyes stared blankly at the passing road, blinking every now and then, but never moving. Worry began to creep into Hakkai's mind at seeing Goku this way again. He had noticed the teen seemed more tired than usual for the past few days, but hadn't really thought too much of it until just now. But now it was more than obvious that Goku had not slept in a few days and Hakkai silently berated himself for not reaching out to him earlier. He knew though that while a few of the sedatives he always carried would surely knock the boy out, Goku would refuse them until they were at the next town.

'Gods, please just don't let us get attacked today.' Hakkai thought as he turned his attention back to the road ahead.

"Hey, monkey."

No response.

"Don't think too hard, your brain probably couldn't handle the strain."

Still nothing. It was starting to piss Gojyo off that he couldn't get so much as a lifted brow from the little monkey. Not that he was _worried_ mind you. It was just too damn quiet without their arguments to pass by the minutes. He hadn't seen the corrupted monk's fan or that damn gun since the day before. Honestly, here they had such a good routine going and the monkey had to go and spoil it. Gojyo stole at glance towards said teen. He was still sitting there, staring at the road as if he expected to gain some kind of mystical enlightenment from it. Hell, maybe he did. Gods only knows what kinds of things a five hundred plus year old demon thought of. The bags under his eyes looked bigger than yesterday. Obviously he hadn't slept again. Really. Once the kid had gained a decent night's sleep, Gojyo was going to have fun teasing him on how he looked like the walking dead. He grinned to himself as he thought of the fight that would cause.

Those thoughts were enough to appease his boredom for a while. But he still couldn't resist one more try at getting Goku's attention. He reached behind him and pulled out a pork bun from his bag.

'Hmmm…I could have sworn I had some other buns in here.' He thought wryly.

Gojyo shrugged and waved the bun in front of Goku's face.

Still nothing. The red-haired man sighed and, catching a warning look from Hakkai through the rear-view mirror, he returned to his side of the Jeep and lit up a trusty cancer-stick.

'If food can't do it,' he mused, 'Not a whole lot else can.'

As Goku goes, so goes food. Usually. But at the moment the teen found himself thinking more and more. His thoughts were centered on one solitary thing. As he had sat last night in the back of the Jeep quietly munching on his second meat bun, hoping again hope that sleep might overtake him soon, he had heard something. A voice. A solitary voice that swept past him with the wind sending shivers down his spine for the second time that night.

'_A challenge._'

And though he desperately wanted to argue with Gojyo or complain of his hunger or (more importantly) sleep, his exhausted mind continued to go back to that voice. And the eerie feeling that those words had been directed solely at him. So Goku sat, staring blankly at the road before beside him, trying to grasp again the feeling that he had recognized the night before. Trying with all his might to figure out what it truly was.

One lunch break and several hours later found the four travelers nearly the same. Goku was still too tired, and lost in thought, to do much of anything other than stare at the road; Hakkai tried several times to start conversations with Gojyo (none of which lasted very long); Gojyo had started to count the minutes until he could assume that enough time had passed that it was safe to light a cigarette without being drawn into another 'are you trying to smoke to death' conversation with Hakkai (that had been replayed 4 times since the first); and Sanzo…well Sanzo was what made things 'nearly' the same.

Sanzo had started the morning as his usual self. Sitting peacefully, eyes closed, dozing off every once in awhile, and lighting a cigarette every now and then. But the constant lack of, well, monkey-abuse to put it frankly, was beginning to grate on his nerves.

Abusing the monkey was like Sanzo having his own personal breathing stress ball. Whacking the living daylights out of Goku and Gojyo helped Sanzo release the built-up tension from hours of endless driving and fighting. But he needed a reason. It was odd that Genjo Sanzo was fair in that respite considering he liked using Goku and Gojyo as fan smacking practice…but what can you do with droopy-eyed monks these days?

Right now, however, Sanzo's stress level was sky high. His eyes and attention were split between listening to Hakkai's failed attempts at conversation, and watching the half-dead monkey staring at the road through the side mirror. Sanzo felt his eye twitch.

Apparently the stress was beginning to show outward signs.

Probably in a feeble attempt to warn the other three inhabitants in the Jeep of the incoming danger.

The things nature will do to help even the balance between predators (like Sanzo's anger) and prey (the rest of the world) is amazing.

Fortunately for the three unaware members of the Jeep, a large band of demons chose that ill-fated moment to block the road.

Sanzo was out of the Jeep before it even stopped.

Hakkai and Gojyo were stunned into silence for a moment at seeing Sanzo so blatantly killing. Indeed it seemed the monk was almost _enjoying_ the fight, just a little too much for their liking. It was Gojyo who snapped out of the shock first.

"Hey yah droopy-eyed bastard, leave some for us!"

He was fortunate enough to duck the incoming bullet.

Apparently the monk was pissed off.

"Now, now Sanzo." Hakkai said, smiling as he powered up a chi blast. "Let's try to take out the bad guys."

Hakkai believed Sanzo mumbled something along the lines of 'I tried, he ducked' and couldn't help the sweat drop that appeared.

The demons, obviously enraged at having been only a second thought to the group during their cheerful conversation, choose that moment to swarm.

Like moths to a bug zapper.

With Sanzo and Gojyo releasing their pent up frustrations on the oncoming demons, and Hakkai worrying over Sanzo's mental state, no one seemed to remember a very exhausted Goku sitting in the back of the Jeep. He had managed to snap out of his weariness and thoughts when Hakkai and Gojyo got out of the Jeep. And he had managed to climb out himself, and even to call his staff forth. Other than that, he seemed like the walking dead. As a matter of fact, he had been so quiet and withdraw that until they swarmed, the attacking horde didn't even realize he was there.

But we all know: Things that don't change are so lame.

(-to be continued-)


	3. Victory

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys:) Getting ready for company for the week (and they're still here) has all but killed this household. But nevertheless, my dumb butt managed to get remember to post a new chapter! (laugh) I mentioned getting a Live Journal in Goku's Firsts and, well, I did. You can find the address in my profile. Feel free to add, though I haven't really put much up at this point. Too busy with work/guests/wanting to sleep. heh. If you do add me, be sure to comment and let me know who you are. Now you can see me bitch and moan about my writer's block and give me instant smacks upside the head! Yay! (cacklesnort)

Chapter Three: Victory

Moments come and go, many to be forgotten as new memories and events overrule their predecessors' importance. But drastic moments are different. Time comes to a near standstill; movements seem painfully slow allowing all who witness them to capture every essence, every detail of that moment. And they are burned forever in the mind, never to be forgotten.

Such it was for Sha Gojyo as he was spared his stepmother's wrath when his half-brother, Doku, killed her for his little brother's sake.

Such it was for Cho Hakkai as he witnessed the suicide of his sister and love, Kanan, after killing an entire clan of demons to save her.

Such it was for Genjo Sanzo as he watched his master; Koumyu Sanzo, cruelly struck down by a group of demons.

Such it was for them all as Goku's limp body sailed through the air, landing with an unceremonious crack against a nearby tree.

Until that moment arrived, the fight had been pitifully one-sided. Even without Goku's vibrant energy to aid them, the three men had nearly wiped the entire horde out in the first ten minutes.

Stress can be a wonderful thing. Or releasing it can be, at any rate.

Goku, for his part, had managed to pick off the few demons that had come his way; though to say it was easy would have been a palpable lie. He felt like fainting. Sleep deprivation was slowly eating away at his body. Dizziness had swept over him the first few moments after getting out of the Jeep, and only his staff had kept him upright. Goku knew he wouldn't be of any help to his companions in this state and had wisely (everyone has their moments…) choose to back away from the fight a bit, watching over his friends and lending what help he could to them. A few demons had managed to come his direction, slipping through the barrier set up by the other three fighters when they finally remembered Goku behind them. If they had descended in more numbers they could have beaten him down.

And that realization of weakness had served to piss Goku off, successfully bringing with it a new wave of power.

So when the young monkey king had seen the rogue demon quickly closing in on Sanzo from behind, all thought flew from his head as fast as he flew to Sanzo's aid. Whoever the demon was, he was powerful. Goku could feel that. He knew trying to block the incoming blow in his weakened state with his staff would be fruitless. So he used the only shield left to use.

His own body.

This body was now flying almost lifelessly through the air. This same body nearly snapped a tree in two with the force of its landing. And burned a horrible image into the minds of his three companions.

"GOKU!"

Having cleared the remaining three demons before him with a chi blast, Hakkai immediately rushed to his young companion's side. He was shocked to find the boy still awake, much less alive. But before he could even begin to see what injuries Goku had suffered, Hakkai felt a clawed hand grip his shoulder tightly.

He was promptly launched into the air.

Gojyo, having decided to occupy his attention on the demon bastard that had hit Goku and let Hakkai do what he could for the boy, didn't see the healer's body flying straight towards him until it was too late. Gojyo silently cursed the fast moving asshole that had managed to throw Hakkai at him before the air was knocked from him in a sudden whoosh.

Goku had only registered pain. A white-hot burning pain that shot first across his face, then his chest, his head and ended with his wrist. He couldn't believe the power that had just slammed into him.

'Thank Gods it was me.' He thought. 'Me…and not Sanzo.'

Tough as nails as the priest was, a combination hit like that would surely have killed the human monk. But something felt off. That feeling from last night was back again, much more potent than before. Goku gripped at it tightly, sensing it all around him. His eyes drew in and out of focus and he struggled to _see_ the feeling. He knew it was there, he knew it was close. If he could only see it he knew he would never forget it again…

Sanzo wasn't quite sure what had just happened. One moment things had been going fine. They were nearly out of demons to kill (pity), and Goku was holding his own despite his weariness. So how exactly, he wondered, did Goku end up in a bloody mass against a tree while an unconscious Hakkai lay atop a breathe-stricken Gojyo? Then his violet eyes met yellow eyes and he realized that though he had witnessed the entire thing as if it were in slow motion, his brain could not relay information that fast. He doubted anyone's could.

Indeed the entire scene had taken less than five seconds to happen.

Sanzo stared down the yellow-eyed demon in front of him. They were at even heights and body mass it seemed, but there was an obvious build-up of tension and power in that lithe body. The demon had long silver white hair tied back in a ponytail behind him. He wore no decorations save a golden band across his right upper arm. With his v-cut sleeveless black t-shirt and ripped up faded jeans he could have passed for a human. Except of course for the obvious: elongated ears, teeth, claws and the over-whelming aura of destruction that radiated from the beast.

'No.' Sanzo thought suddenly. 'Not destruction, something else…'

He abandoned his thoughts as the demon before him gave a cat-like grin, his eyes darting from Sanzo to the still unmoving mass known as Goku nearby.

"What the fuck do you want?" Sanzo hissed out, his banishing gun pointed squarely between the creature's eyes. He was trying desperately not to look at the still body nearby.

The answer he had expected, "The scripture, of course." did not come.

And Sanzo could not stop his eyes from widening as the demon spoke, its yellow eyes now firmly set on Goku's silent form.

"My challenger."

(-to be continued-)


	4. Shots to Thoughts

A/N: Sorry! Sorry! Life keeps pulling me away. I didn't think I'd be able to update tonight, but this chapter didn't really need too much editing or anything. I think things start getting a little tricky next chapter and after, as I have to completely re-write some sections and changes quite a bit around. But eventually (no deadlines, (laugh)) I will get this puppy out! Thanks for sticking with! Read, review, and above all, hope you enjoy!

Chapter 4: Shots to Thoughts

Gojyo threw back another double shot of whiskey and reveled as the liquid slid down his throat, effectively warming his insides. He lit a cigarette and sighed out the smoke in a large puff.

'Four days.' He thought to himself bitterly. 'Gods, will he ever wake up?'

Gojyo looked around the tavern he had managed to wander into. It was just another small non-descript pit stop in the ever-continuing journey west. The only other people even in the place were the bartender and what appeared to be a suspiciously young couple in a booth in the back. He sighed again and took a long hit off his cigarette before ordering another shot. No, make that a double shot. Despite a few cuts and bruises, Gojyo had managed to come out of the fight with no serious damage. Sanzo had also faired well, receiving only a large cut to his arm as a 'serious' wound and the usual bruises. Hakkai sported a very nice lump and a dislocated shoulder from his landing into Gojyo. But Goku…

He sighed again and mumbled softly, "God damn monkey, always getting into trouble."

"Once you start talking to yourself then I know you've had too much to drink."

Startled, Gojyo looked up and into the sullen green eyes of Hakkai.

"How is he?" Gojyo asked suddenly.

Hakkai smiled sadly and shook his head. "Still asleep. It doesn't surprise me considering the lack of sleep he had been getting and the wounds he received."

The silence stretched between them, comfortable and yet tinged with a hint of shared frustration. Goku had not been as fortunate as the rest of them. The back of his head had been cracked open from his collision with the tree, his wrist broken, the left side of his face was swollen and purple; but the most serious wound had been from the weapon that had sent him sailing through the air like a doll. From the right side of his jaw nearly down to his left hip was a deep crooked gash. It was amazing the demon's sword had not cut him straight in two.

"Gojyo?"

The redhead glanced at his friend from the corner of his eye and nodded, indicating Hakkai had his attention.

Recognizing the familiar gesture, Hakkai started. "It's been four days and yet," he hesitated suddenly causing Gojyo to look over at the man until he continued, "And yet I still don't know what happened after I was knocked unconscious. I can understand not being able to get a word out of Sanzo, but for some reason I've felt that I wouldn't be able to get a word out of you, either."

This last statement stunned Gojyo and deep inside he felt like he had been slapped. He shook his head and answered; amazed his voice didn't betray his unknown feeling.

"You can always talk to me, Kai." He said, making sure to lock eyes with his friend. "I would never keep you in the dark."

Hakkai smiled again, a bit of genuine happiness behind it at hearing those words.

"Then what happened?"

Gojyo closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair a bit, letting his cigarette dangle lazily from his lips for a moment before he spoke.

_After his breath had finally returned and Gojyo had made sure the unconscious Hakkai on top of him was only unconscious, he had stood in time to hear the demon standing in front of Sanzo speak._

"_My challenger."_

_Those two words sent chills straight down his spine, accented by the fact that the demon was obviously staring straight at Goku's unmoving figure. Before he could raise his weapon to ready an attack he heard a gunshot ring out._

'_Damn.' He thought to himself. 'The monk got the bastard first.'_

_But there was nothing. No body, no scream of defeat. Just silence. Sanzo stood with his gun still raised, a whiff of smoke leaking out the barrel, but his target had vanished. The unnamable feeling that the demon had brought with him had vanished as well, leaving Sanzo and Gojyo to ponder if the entire thing had been real at all. A sudden cry answered them and both head shot towards Goku, weapons raised in ready. The demon had the boy lifted up off the ground by his neck and was looking him over as if he were a suit the creature was thinking of buying._

"_Yes." The demon purred suddenly, "He will do."_

_Before the two men could react, the demon dropped Goku and turned towards them both, a cat-like grin having broadened in his appraisal of the young man._

_Sanzo cocked his gun and aimed straight between the demon's eyes._

"_Who the hell are you?"_

_The demon seemed almost puzzled at this question, staying silent for a few moments as he contemplated his answer._

"_Shouri." He said quietly, but firmly._

_He turned slightly and gazed down at Goku before slowly fading from existence._

Hakkai was silent for a few moments, slowly digesting this new information before he turned an up-raised eyebrow at Gojyo.

"You think he named himself at that moment…"

He trailed off, still thinking. The question/statement hung in the air between them as they both gathered their wits.

Gojyo stubbed out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray and sighed. He'd been doing way too much of that lately. He had been trying to put the whole sorry thing out of his head. But the image of Goku's body flying through the air, that damn bastard's grin…

"It's sure as hell what it seemed like to me." Gojyo leaned back more and put his hands behind his head before closing his eyes. "Goofy fucking bastard if you ask me. Who just names themself like that?"

Hakkai shook his head for a moment and began to think. When he had woken up everything was over. Sanzo was wrapping strips of cloth around Goku's head and torso vainly trying to get a lease on the bleeding, while Gojyo was shaking Hakkai by the shoulder trying to bring him back to consciousness. Hakuryu, having transformed from the Jeep into his white dragon body, was flying between his owner and Goku kyuuing his worry. Hakkai had done what he could for Goku; mostly that had just been to stop the bleeding, before he had nearly passed out. Luck had been with them though, after only forty-five more minutes of driving they had come across this town.

To both Hakkai and Gojyo's surprise, Sanzo had yet to leave the boy's side for more than a few minutes. It was almost like he expected an attacker to assassinate Goku any moment. It was the most blatant display of true affection that the priest had ever shown. Not, of course, like Sanzo would admit to that. He had only said they were leaving the absolute second Goku woke up and he simply wanted to be ready.

His daily tirade of how much time they were wasting here in an effort to back-up his 'Goku watching' excuse amused Hakkai more and more each time.

"It was really strange though, Kai."

The healer looked over at his companion at this soft statement, successfully broken from his thoughts.

"The second that bastard vanished," he said, then opened his eyes to look at Hakkai. "Goku immediately went unconscious."

The rest didn't need to be said. _As if that was what Goku was waiting for to be _able_ to sleep._

"It's almost dinner-time." Hakkai said quietly. "Why don't we go get something to eat?"

Gojyo simply nodded and stood, a bit aggravated to find his muscles ached from sitting too long. He stretched a bit and headed for the door, not needing to look to know Hakkai was right behind him.

'Shouri.' Hakkai mused to himself. 'Victory…'

(-end chapter-)


	5. Realizations

A/N: Okay, okay. I know I said I was going to remove the pairings - BUT...after re-reading the story after such a long time away (sorry guys) I realized that I like it much better with the pairings. It's the fan girl in me, what can I say? (sigh) I know a few people won't be happy, but I just can't bear to change it now. On the bright side, it'll get posted much faster now! (laugh) So, sorry for the big delay and I'll do my best to get this story out as quickly as possible so we can move on to the rest of the triology! (Speaking of which, I need to finish writing part three! ACK!)

Chapter 5: Realizations

"Stupid god damn idiot monkey!"

Sanzo spit out the mantra he'd been mumbling during the last four days for the tenth time in twenty minutes. There was very nearly a worn pattern on the floor from the constant movement of his shoes as he paced the inn's room. He stopped suddenly and forced himself to remain still and silent for a few moments. Quietly regaining what dignity he had left, though there was no one awake to see his composure had faltered, he grabbed his pack of Marlboro's off the table and hastily lit one. He didn't realize he had moved to sit on the windowsill and had opened the window until the gentle warm afternoon breeze caressed his face. He scowled to himself.

'Damn Hakkai. Manipulative bastard.'

During night one Sanzo had attempted to light a cigarette while Hakkai was still in the room.

"_Now, now Sanzo…"_

_The monk had simply shot Hakkai a death glare has he returned his cigarettes and lighter to the table._

"_We have no idea what kind of effects smoking may have on Goku while he's in this state Sanzo."_

"_Ch."_

"_It could affect his health in an adverse way if you don't properly ventilate the room while smoking."_

"_Ch."_

"_It'll only make things harder on him you know."_

_Sanzo was trying hard to not pay attention to the wisdom in Hakkai words. But the icy walls around his heart, cracked though they may be, were still in tact and so…_

"_Ch."_

_It was then that Cho Hakkai played his 'ace' so to speak._

"_If he gets worse because of your smoking that will only mean we'll have to remain here longer while he recovers. And I know you want to get back on the road West as soon as possible…"_

_Shit. He had him there. Though he threw the green-eyed demon a withering look, Sanzo obediently walked to the window and threw it open then settled himself on the sill to blow the offending smoke outside. Deep down though, Sanzo was glad the healer had finally played that card. He'd wanted to get to the window the minute he'd lit up. But he was Sanzo after all…_

Since that moment Sanzo had always made sure to keep far away from Goku and have the window open when he smoked. Though there was still that piece of him that wanted to kick his own ass for being 'weak'. His eyes darted over to the still form in the bed. Goku wasn't sprawled across it giving off loud snores and mumblings for food as usual. He almost looked like a corpse lying so still and quiet on the bed. Sanzo had the urge for four days now to whack the teen across the head and try to wake him up.

It was too damn quiet. Funny really, he always thought silence was golden. He constantly whacked the living daylights out of Gojyo and Goku to keep them quiet. But having been surrounded by silence, almost literally _drowning_ in it for four days…

Genjo Sanzo had to face reality.

He missed the monkey.

His innocent golden eyes.

His incessant whining.

His laughter.

But mostly, it was his smile. A smile that lit up Sanzo's world without the monk even realizing it.

'_I guess it's true when they say you don't really realize how important something is to you until it's gone.'_

Or locked in sleep as the case may be. It had taken one instance in Sanzo's life to build the tight walls around his heart. The death of his master had been the death of innocence, however fragile that innocence had been to begin with. He had closed everyone off. Never allowing himself to feel, to love, to hope, to believe.

And just as easily as those walls had been put up, one pair of child-like golden eyes had cracked through.

To never again love someone so dearly, that it hurts to lose them…

'Fuck.' He thought bitterly.

He was amazed at his own hypocrisy at this point. Still chanting that mantra in his head even while his heart told him otherwise. But it was so hard to let go of the memories. The pain. The suffering. The loss. Somewhere along the way, between reaching out his hand to an innocent-eyed boy in chains and watching that boy's body fly through the air four days ago, Sanzo had taken a dramatic change in an entirely different direction. He had finally admitted to himself that he loved Son Goku. He loved every characteristic, every flaw, every vice-no matter how annoying or expensive it may be. It wasn't a parent's love for a child he knew. It ran much, much deeper than that. He wanted to make Goku happy; he _wanted_ to be his sun, forever. He wanted to love him and be loved in return and stay with him for all time.

But realization and actions are two very different things.

Several scenarios had since run through Sanzo's mind. Whacking the living daylights out of the monkey when he woke up had been first. Trying to be gentle yet his usual cold self had run second. And in third had been kissing the teen senseless. He had since pushed that one aside; afraid it would probably give the poor teen a heart attack. Options one and two had been fighting against each other for a while now. But as Sanzo flicked his cigarette out the window and sat down in the chair by Goku's bedside, option two suddenly gained a huge lead. And strangely, option three was again dancing before his eyes.

Sanzo quickly waved a hand in front of his face, as if shooing away some annoying fly buzzing about his head.

'Heart attack.' He thought to himself wryly. 'He'd wake up and I'd accidentally kill him.'

It was one of those times in life where you are just plain scared shitless. Not just because of the fear of rejection, but also because of the strange assault of the new feelings before you. He honestly couldn't say what he'd do or say at this point. It wasn't of any concern now; it wouldn't be, not until Goku woke up.

'_Four days.' He thought to himself bitterly. 'Gods, will he ever wake up?'_

As if on cue with this echoed thought, Goku suddenly shifted, a pained look crossing his face as he tried to roll onto his side. Knowing all that remained of his injuries were cuts and bruises now, Sanzo stood up and gently helped the boy to roll over. He was dismayed to find Goku's skin crawling with heat, and a quick check of his forehead confirmed the fever.

"Shit."

Sanzo immediately headed for the bathroom and returned a few moments later with a bowl of cool water and a washcloth. He dropped the cloth in and rung out the excess before gently swabbing at Goku's heated face. The pained look vanished as Sanzo's fingers accidentally grazed Goku's cheek, only to return when the monk pulled his hand back. Glancing toward the door, Sanzo pulled his chair closer to the bed and slowly took one of the teen's hands in his own as he continued to dab the cool cloth against the heated face with the other hand. Sensing his sun's presence, Goku slowly relaxed and returned to a more peaceful slumber. He even started to snore a bit.

Sanzo could not bite back his smile.

'What the hell…'

Bleary golden eyes slowly cracked open to…darkness?

'Why is it so dark?' Goku thought suddenly. He could feel the panic rising slowly inside himself. 'Where's the light? Where's the sun? Where's…Sanzo?'

He felt stiff, sore, and tired, but decidedly more awake than he had been before.

'But before what?' he thought suddenly. 'What happened?'

It was a quiet shifting sound that caught his attention first. Then slowly, the realization that he wasn't alone came to him, only to finally be met with the more startling realization that someone was…holding his hand.

"………"

Nothing. Goku vainly tried again.

"…eh…"

Only a tiny sound escaped this time and Goku fought against his rebelling vocal chords to make a sound, an utterance, and a word…just one word…

'Sanzo.'

As if hearing his name in the boy's thoughts, Sanzo slowly opened his eyes. Violet met gold and for a moment, the world stopped turning.

"Goku…"

TBC...


End file.
